Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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