Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
