You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
