He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I've blown a few things in my day
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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