i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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