I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
