Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
