Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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