guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
