youre lurking in front of me
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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