It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
