I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
True college students do jello shots in the library
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