this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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