Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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