apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
