I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
