I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She told me I should be a condom model.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
