he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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