Umm I'm too high to move.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
