take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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