i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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