Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
