Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
