He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
