Your dad touched me again.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
