I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
