is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just cut my nipple shaving
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
