Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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