wanna go halves on a baby?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
