matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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