look no pants
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
