Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
