Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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