apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
