Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
