Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
