god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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