Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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