I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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