im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
