its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
