I feel like I'm in dance class right now
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
