Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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