I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
