and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
