Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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