He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
