Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
