someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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