She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
