don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
