First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
