i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
