HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
